i'm so going to blog this.

I've never fainted before. I remember when I was a kid, and we would do that fucked up thing where you choke each other until you get all light headed...my friends would fall over and say that they'd lost conciousness, but it never happened to me- things just got a little fuzzy and dark.
Friday was my first day off in 12 days. I'd been sick the entire time and super stressed out about opening our new store. I was so jazzed to finally have a day off, and Thursday night I went out and stayed out all night. I think I got about 4 hours of sleep. I had a haircut appointment Friday morning, and I showed up, still reeking a bit of booze but otherwise fine, I thought. Niko, my stylist, does this thing where he has me stand up while he trims the ends of my hair. He does it every time; at this point I'm used to it. I stood up, and was listening to the stylist and his client next to me talk about Angels in America. I started thinking about how much I liked that movie and how much I like Ben Shenkman, and all the sudden things started to go black. Niko noticed me swooning and he put his arm around my waist and that's the last thing I remember. I was out for what seemed like hours, I was dreaming that I was in the scene in AiA where the angels are sitting at the table in heaven when Prior arrives, and I was being judged on whether or not I would get into heaven. I woke up slumped in the chair, with Niko handing me a glass of sugar water and a bunch of girls swarming around me asking me if I was alright. It was super surreal. I felt so embarassed, but apprently it happens all the time, or so they told me. Something about being all hot from the hairdryers or something. I think I was just dehydrated and then locked my knees while I was standing.

geez, people.

i love my sister because she's of the moon. i love nachos from taco bell. i love boston terriers and french bulldogs. i love my brother to death for being who he is. i love how danny gets playfully embarassed and bashful when movies make him laugh hard. i love the smell of concrete in a fresh rain. i love marcy and arturo and our unparalleled dynamic. i love that i got my wallet back and everyone i know is retelling the story. i love music that makes me dance in my seat- just bobbing my head back and forth. i love my mother unconditionally. i love myspace and instant messenger. i love going to the movies. i love cooking ambitious meals that i found on epicurious. i love reading other people's blogs, especially those close to me. i love gyros with feta and hot sauce. i love new shoes. i love the gentle awkwardness of getting to know someone. i love drinking beers and smoking cigarettes and talking and laughing until i can't do any of those things anymore. i love linda's. i'm trying to love myself.

venti vent.

i hate my commute. i miss walking to work, so much, especially today as i walked home from downtown and was part of a huge crowd of people doing the same thing. i used to walk 15 minutes to the old office and now i drive 25. i hate how everyone in my office thinks that my department doesn't do anything, that we just sit around on our thumbs all day, and they expect us to take care of all the functions of running a company but really we're just two little girls. i hate that all our employees don't care. i hate seeing their posts all over myspace, posted at all times of the day, which means that instead of helping customers they're surfing the interweb. i hate losing my wallet (but i love good samaritan bicyclists who find it and return it to my building). i hate being sick. i hate not knowing if i'm going to vancouver to open another store this week. i hate being woken up by drunk boys at 2 am when i have to get up at six. i hate that i haven't spoken to or heard from my dad in almost a year. before that, almost another year. i hate that my phone doesn't have texting capabilities. i hate that there are so many good shows coming up, SO MANY, and i'm too broke to go to all the ones i want to. i hate it when people post apartments on craigslist but don't put an address or pictures. i hate that i haven't read a book in like two months. i hate that i just used the word hate so many times.

anatomy of a breakup.

it hurts. the pain doesn't really go away, it just changes shape. i've been sick this past week, and exhausted and distracted. so no updates for me as of late.